Ask Amy: Pick up your family from the airport instead of sending a ride

Ask Amy: Pick up your family from the airport instead of sending a ride

Ask Amy: Pick up your family from the airport instead of sending a ride


dear amy: My nephew recently reported that he would not pick up his 77-year-old mother from the airport. “Plus,” he said, “it’s easier to take a cab, Uber or Lyft.”

To this remark I say: “Easier for whom?”

Visiting loved ones means packing, lugging, security checks, as well as crowds and potential delays — not to mention the expense. So is it too much to expect the person you are going to visit to make the journey to the airport to pick you up?

Let me put it this way. When you see a familiar loving face after a hard journey and then get a big hug, it means your journey is over. Furious! Even if you climb into the finest rental cars, you’re still traveling – sit alone in the back seat of a car on another leg of your journey.

Nowadays it is common to outsource everything. Let’s not outsource love and compassion.

aunt: Picking someone up from (or taking them to) the airport is such a signal of intimacy that it has entered popular culture. From “When Harry Met Sally” to “Seinfeld,” getting someone to or from the airport shows you care. A lot.

I have to think of those wonderful opening and closing scenes in the movie Love Actually, which consist of a lengthy montage of people greeting and — hugging with all their hearts — at an airport terminal.

When I travel, I fly to and from an airport that serves a nearby army base (Hello, 10th Mountain Division!). You want a scene that will make you stumble? Watch a service member return home after a deployment.

I am publishing your thoughtful letter as a public service to widely dispersed families everywhere. Age. Meet your mom at the airport! It’s a beautiful act of love.

dear amy: I have been with a woman for almost six years now. The problem is that she calls her husband several times a day. They are separated but not divorced. She says it’s about the kids (who are all grown up).

She has told a few people in her family that we are dating, but she refuses to tell her husband because she still has things at home and she is afraid that he will either break her things or not her possessions leaves.

They were together for about 20 years. We live together, but she tells everyone we’re roommates. Am I wasting my time or what?

I love her and I think she loves me. I just think she’s afraid of change and keeping him on his toes in case we break up. What do you think I should do?

Concerned: Let’s assume you’re right about everything you say: your partner is still attached to her husband, afraid of change, lying about your relationship, and keeping her husband hooked. Given that all of this is true after six years – is that what you want?

You are in a relationship with someone who is married and will likely stay married. She is not ready to be in an honest and open relationship with you.

Imagine if a friend of yours described her own relationship like this: “She is married and still very close to her husband. She and I live together but we’re at rock bottom so we have to keep it a secret.”

Would you call that a healthy lifestyle? Would you wish your friend was in a relationship that seemed to have no future? I doubt it.

So yes – you are wasting your time. It’s time for you to be your own best friend and move forward with the authentic life you want to lead.

dear amy: “Happy single‘ and many other people continually wonder how to respond to intrusive personal questions. What usually works for me is a friendly, direct smile along with a change of subject and an unobtrusive question of your own.

For example: “Yeesh, that rain. I practically had to swim here. When should it stop?

Curious people get the message, no one gets hurt, everyone saves face and the conversation continues.

Done: Although I’ve suggested a technique that rephrases the original question and throws it back at the person who asked it, I really appreciate your suggestion, which is a version of “Wow, how about the Cubs this year?” I see they finally got a shortstop; Do you think they will turn it around next season?”

©2022 by Amy Dickinson, distributed by Tribune Content Agency

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